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Huge props to POPSUGAR for putting together this Single Lady Soundtrack.
Listen to the playlist on Spotify:
In this TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen talk, Tracy McMillan makes the case for the person you really need to marry: yourself!
I first saw McMillan on NBC’s reality show, Ready for Love. It was a cheesy, reality love show, with a twist: three relationship counselors coached the three bachelors and dozens of women on dating and relationship issues. I loved hearing their tips and advice, and McMillan, also the author of Why You’re Not Married…Yet, was one of my favorites.
Watch this video for a few reasons:
- McMillan’s history and relationship record is a bit rocky, so you can either identify with it, feel better about your own, or enjoy her humor and humility around it
- She committed to doing her own inner work
- She points out that this (“this” being your relationship with yourself) is going to be the “till death do we part” relationship of your life
- She deconstructs the vows of traditional marriage and translates them for a marriage to yourself
The whole 14 minutes is worth it, but if you want to get to the “DY” material, skip to 6:25.
Pinterest is a great resource for inspiration and ideas. So when the single life is getting you down – or other people are getting you down about being single – find inspiration on Pinterest.
Board ideas (to search, peruse or create):
- Bucket lists
- Inspiring quotes
- Brave women
- DIY ideas (for anything you’re interested in)
- Book recommendations
- Travel tips
To get started with a few inspiring quotes, check out my Great Quotes board on Pinterest:
Do you have some boards on Pinterest I should follow? Leave a link in the comments!
A date with a book is sometimes the best adventure/romance/escape/travel/learning money can buy. Joining a book group is like getting the ear of a best friend who won’t tire of all the details of the date.
So, look to your local newspaper, meetup, bookshop or library for a book group. Or, consider gathering your far-flung friends once every two months to discuss.
A book group can, of course, be a group of people all reading and discussing the same book. But, you can get adventurous too. Maybe this is a book meetup where everyone brings their favorite book, discusses it, you let the wine flow, and, at the end, it becomes a book swap.
There’s a new round of “Best Cities for Single Women” lists going around, but I LOVED this response from Refinery29, “a new-media brand for smart, creative and stylish women everywhere.”
“The REAL List of The Best Cities for Single Women” starts like this:
“Why do the “Best Cities for Single Women” lists always put the availability of single men as their top deciding factor? Man-snagging isn’t everyone’s number-one priority, and don’t even get us started on how unhelpful these lists are for queer gals.”
Read the rest of this page »
MindBodyGreen.com has this great article called “10 Signs You’ve Found The One.” Here on Dating Yourself, I like to view the article through a different filter, the one that says YOU are the one you’ve been waiting for.
So let’s look at a few of the 10 Signs:
#1 “Your partner is your best friend. You’re 110% yourself, you feel free, and enjoy the little things in life together.”
How would you describe your ideal best friend. Are you being that for yourself? Describe the 110% authentic version of yourself? How are you supporting yourself in fully realizing that version of yourself? List the “little” things you’d like to share with a partner. Are you currently waiting to enjoy those things with another person or can you enjoy them now?
#10 “You know that no matter what, he or she will always stand by you and be on your side.”
We often look to partners to be our best friends, playmates, intellectual equals, spiritual rocks, defenders, protectors, entertainers, honest reflections and so much more. Pick one of these attributes – or another that’s important to you – and list the thoughts, actions, qualities, etc. that a partner could have or do to show you that s/he is by your side. Now ask yourself, am I those things to myself?
There are some Signs on the list that really imply a second person in the relationship. But let’s bend the image a little bit:
#8 “When something happens—terrible, exciting or completely insignificant—he or she is always the first person you want to tell.”
I’m not encouraging voices or multiple personalities, but do you seek your own counsel? Do you trust your own advice? Do you have methods for listening to yourself, such as journaling, meditation, solitude or a craft?
#5 “The two of you compromise with each other. You don’t always get your way.”
When I hear advice like this, I ask myself if I am truly capable of compromise. Do I know my own real needs and desires? Am I listening to the other? Am I acting from a place of generosity? Is compromise really my goal (or is my goal to win, silence, hurt or to be heard, seen, understood)? All of these questions are valid when dealing with the Self. Think, for example, when you have choices on how to spend money, which decision to make, how to treat your body…these are all compromises between the many aspects of your Self.
The whole list is worth a read, whether you’re in a relationship with another person or cultivating your relationship with your Self. Click on over to MindBodyGreen to read “10 Signs You’ve Found The One.”
Here’s a pretty thorough article on “Where Single Women Might Want to Retire” from NextAvenue.org. I love that it covers intentional communities, buying vs renting, retirement communities, homesharing, volunteer/living, lesbian communities, RV living and even “hangar homes” that are connected to airports (how cool?!).
There’s a growing culture of travel and nomadic living for younger people, but many partnered women live full-time where their partner lives and/or, in a move, have to negotiate the needs of a relationship in deciding where to live. (Let me also say that there are plenty of older long-distance relationships and couples who travel full-time together or live very adventurous lives.)
But for some women, finding themselves single from a divorce or the death of a spouse or facing retirement presents all kinds of choices – maybe for the first time – on where to live.